| United 93 |
[May. 20th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
Today, I finally made it downtown to see the film United 93. I think it was the most profound film-going experience I've ever had.
9-11-01 was my generation's JFK assassination and more. Ask anyone where they were when JFK was assassinated, and they can recall just about every detail. Same goes for 9-11-01. Had I still been in Portland, I would have just been getting up for the day. Instead, I was in Dallas, preparing for a 3-day media training session for my tech clients, and I still remember every detail down to the minute.
Being only 1 hour behind the East Coast, I was getting ready for the big client meetings, curling my hair and listening to NPR when at 7:55 CDT, they broke in to say that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I rushed to my TV (being in PR fit my lifestyle as a huge news junkie) and turned on NBC, where the Today show was going live (no time delay) with shots of the burning north tower. The hole in the building looks much bigger than the one that a small plane did to the Empire State Building back in the 40's, and while I had no idea it was American Airlines 11 (large plane traveling coast to coast), I knew this was going to be a large story that would throw off any news pitching, so I got on the phone with my assistant Robert to have him send out an e-mail office-wide to give everyone a heads up.
So, while I was standing in my living room, curlers still in my hair & make-up half done, I was telling Robert about what was going on and to have the e-mail come from me, since he hadn't seen anything come in from anyone else. Just as I was finishing the mail over the phone, I saw a second plane from the far side of the TV screen approaching the towers. As I said "oh fuck", that second plane hit the south tower. Robert asked frantically what happened, and I said to him "Robert, we're under attack." I remember him saying "what the hell are you talking about" and I said "another big plane just hit the other tower - this isn't an accident - this is an act of war." I told him I'd be in as soon as possible and to not send the e-mail - it was evident that everyone would likely hear about this on their way to the office, making such information rather moot. Our lives were changed forever.
Pulling rollers out of my hair, I tossed the rest of my makeup in my tote, threw on my suit, and started my long journey (30 miles) to the office. I called Jack (best friend and "big brother") on my way out the door to tell him what was going on - he had been buried in new business work and didn't have a TV or radio on at the time. Then, I was breaking speed records to get to the office.
Funny, but I remember exactly where I was when I heard about the Pentagon crash. I-30, which I took to get to downtown, has this loop to northbound I-35 that led me to my office. As I was pulling around this loop (which was normally bumper to bumper but eerily free of major traffic) NPR reported the Pentagon. My cell phone went off - Jack was calling with the same news - and while he wanted me to turn around and come back home to hunker down (he thought it was the beginning of a full-scale war), I knew I needed to go to the office and get things figured out about my clients' media training. Plus, I really didn't want to be alone, and with most of my friends and family still in Portland, my work colleagues were part of my Texas family. I arrived in the office with everyone in the conference room, eyes glued onto Peter Jennings of ABC and the burning towers. After retiring to my office to call my client and cancel the media training. I told my boss that while we didn't know what was going on in NYC and DC, no one was going to be able to concentrate on learning how to be media trained, and she agreed with my decision to cancel the training.
Surprisingly enough, my wacky client Sue didn't want to cancel the training - would be best to have life go on as if it was normal. Rather than being mildly persuasive, I told her in no uncertain terms that there was no way anyone would have their head in the game and that it would be best for everyone to take the next 24 hours to get focused on work again. As I had her work to make sure no members of her company on any of those tragic flights (and none were), I went to gather in the conference room with my colleagues. I was standing behind one of my teammates who was seated at the table when we all witnessed the fall of the south tower. It was truly the most horrific thing I had ever seen, and as a former trauma counselor I had seen some pretty tragic and sickening things. Many of the girls in the room started to cry - we all knew that we had just seen a number of people die and didn't know how to process it except for being in a state of profound shock. I took my boss aside, went out of the conference room, and told her that we should let everyone go home for the day if they didn't have essential client work to do. She agreed and told everyone they could go home once they let their clients know how to reach them in case of emergency. However, we could only sit there and watch the rest of the horror play out in NYC, with the fall of the north tower.
I think that made us all rather numb, and it takes a lot to make me into that state. But it wasn't long until I was snapped out of that state for trauma work. Our office general manager, Sam, came into the conference room and asked for me to come to his office for a meeting. One of our NYC office's largest clients had offices on 3 of the top floors in the north tower and with the fall of that tower, many of the clients were missing and presumed dead. Since communication systems all over NYC were overloaded, the GM of the NYC office got ahold of Sam to ask if we could take calls from the families of the missing employees to try to calm them down and develop a chain of communication with them to keep them updated on all rescue missions and found employees. Since Sam knew I had been a trauma counselor with the Portland Fire and Police bureaus, he pulled me in on this incomprehensible assignment. Before I knew it, I was receiving calls from families in Chicago, Maryland, Jersey, Virginia and New York, with desparate families in tears on the other end of the line. I didn't have much information at the time - I only knew the planes involved, the times when the planes hit and the buildings came down, and the official statement from the client (Cantor Fitzgerald) saying that a hotline had been developed for families to call in to register their names and which employee they were affiliated with. I knew how desperate these families were to get information about their loved ones, but I didn't have much to give them. I spend most of my time telling the NYC people how they needed to get more information about how the search and rescue mission was going about, and to assign their team to monitor all of the hospitals to see if any of the clients showed up in the ERs for treatment. However, no matter what we did, it would all prove fruitless for the clients and their families.
658 Cantor employees died that morning - all of them were trapped on the 101st-105th floors of the north tower, since all of the evauation routes were severed when AA flight 11 crashed into the building. It was later reported that a number of people who jumped to their deaths (about 200) came from those floors. Smoke and heat was getting intense and those people were faced with a horrific decision - slowly suffocate or jump and die quickly on impact. How heartbreaking it is to even think about having to ponder that decision once you realize that no one was going to be able to rescue you. Rather overwhelming to even consider.
That day, which I consider it one of the longest day I have ever endured, ended with me at home, eyes still glued to the TV, and cell phone stuck to my ear trying to convince families of the missing to not drive to NYC to assist with rescue efforts. I developed a unique relationship with these families which eventually led to us meeting face to face on the first anniversary of the disaster, when I flew up to NYC to attend Ground Zero ceremonies on 9-11-02 with the families, the city, and the entire nation. What happened on that day is something I hope to God we never experience again. It took me over a year to even cry about it - as a trauma counselor I usually bury all the awful emotions until I think it's safe for them to come out, but this took longer than expected.
Which leads me back to this movie - United 93. It was theraputic to see this movie, and while it does cause in reliving those day's events, it reminds me of how proud I am to be an American, and how strong we are to bounce back from such a horrific attack. While we will never know what exactly happened on that plane, it's almost certain it was bound to crash into either the White House or Capitol Building, and these people sacrificed their lives to make sure that didn't happen. Many people rose up that day to keep the peace and restore calm into a nation that was unsettled in a manner never expected, and the passengers of United 93 became heroes. I thought I would cry more during the film, but what I didn't expect is how quiet a movie theater could become at the conclusion of a movie. Not a cough, a whisper, or even rustle of human movement was detected in the 10 seconds between the black screen of the end of the movie and the rolling of the credits.
I'm sure I'm not alone when saying that it was the most profound and intense film ever made, and it reminds me that I'm not alone in the love and respect I feel on behalf of my country and the diverse population that makes up our nation. We have the freedom to express our opinions and the freedom to disagree with our fellow man, but it is the proection of those freedoms that unites us all. |
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| Springtime in Portland |
[May. 2nd, 2006|12:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Michael Buble | ] |
Wow - it's been almost a month since my last post. I'm such a lazy ass these days.....except that a good week this past month revolved around my annual pilgrimage to the Bronx for the most exciting day of the year for me - opening day at Yankee Stadium.
Everyone in NYC asks me "how does a girl from Oregon become a Yankee fan?" My answer is simple - I was born into it. My grandpa grew up in the 20's & 30's listing to baseball on the radio, and the most popular team of that era was the Bronx Bombers. Babe....Lou...Joltin' Joe....it was what my grandpa love, and he passed that love to his 3 sons and 4 grandchildren. As the first grandbaby born in my family, my grandpa convinced my parents (didn't take much - my dad was in Vietnam and mom was a weird child of the 60's who ended up giving me to her folks after I was born for a 5 year break) to make sure I was named after a Yankee. Was very fortunate that my last name was going to be Larson, so my grandpa insisted that if I was a boy, my name would be Don. Well, as I came out a girl, my middle name was deemed Dawn - thus being named (with alternate spelling) after the only pitcher in baseball history to ever pitch a perfect game in World Series. My only male cousin is named Mickey (after the great #7 - RIP Mr. Mantle), so the Yankee blood runs deep in my family.
While we don't have major league here in Portland (and never will - we're not a baseball kind of town), my grandpa and I watched games all the time on TV. It's the sport that binds me to so many wonderful memories with my grandparents, and is truly one of the great loves in my life. Every time I go back to NYC for games, I get to my seat in the house that Ruth (and others) built with an overpriced beer, kosher hot dog, and sunflower seeds, get myself situated, and then look to the sky hoping that my grandparents are watching the game with me. I wish that my grandpa had the chance to attend a game at Yankee Stadium - but he was a simple hard-working union man with a family to support and health issues upon retirement. I'm the only one in my family that has ever been to a game there - the rest of my family have never made the leap to the "crime-ridden, over-priced city of NY" - maybe one of these days I can convince one of them to take a chance, open the pocketbook, and come with me sometime for a game.
This year's opening day was the best one I've been to since my first one years ago. My good friend Wanda drove down from Duchess County (about an hour north of the city) and we started the tailgate party (to end all others) at 9am - the earliest I've started drinking in years. Brought with me some very tasty ginger-infused vodka from Hood River, stopped at the grocery store near my hotel for the bottle of cranberry juice, and met Wanda and others in Lot 1 - just north of the stadium across from the little league field. Gee - how cool would it be to play LL on a field in the shadow of Yankee Stadium?! We partied with a number of old and new friends - made the tour of other tailgating parties, then proceeded to see a nail-biting, come-from-behind victory for the Yanks. Captain Jeter saved the day with a 3-run homer in the 8th to help the team rally to win against the lowly Kansas City Royals - Wanda and I screamed ourselves hoarse off that one! Made for the post-game celebration party even more special - we all returned to Lot 1 for another 3 hours of partying.
Now that I've pretty much turned to a freelancer's life, I don't have the income I used to, so there won't be as many trips to NYC as in previous years. Last year, I made it back there for every Red Sux series (April, May, and September) and for my first ever Old Timers' Day. I cried a bit during those introductions - I know....there's no crying in baseball but it's phenomenal hearing Whitey Ford, Phil Rizzuto, and Yogi Berra introduced and on the field. Now that I have a post-season ticket series locked in through my buddy Wanda, I'm saving my pennies to make sure I'm ready to hop to the city when the post-season begins. I know - rather presumptuous on my end, but I'm all for being prepared.
While we ended April being at the top of the AL East, we fell to the Sux today, so we're in 2nd place. It will likely be a tough season, but as a Yankee fan through and through, I've seen the glory years (70's and late 90's) and the lean years (ugh - the 80's through 1995 were rough) and I love my boys in pinstripes just the same.
It sure has been a wonderful spring so far - beautiful weather (going to be 80 later this week), smell of fresh lilacs and cut grass in the air, and it's baseball. I truly couldn't ask for more....except maybe a job, and that might change next week on a new business trip to Wichita (as in Kansas) to see some new beauty-salon technology that a group of developers have created and ready to launch. I'm not sure if I'm being asked to join the company or to take them on as a client - details will be worked out once I meet with the primaries and tour the technology myself. In the meantime, I'm doing a boatload of freelance work, and may start looking around for local work. I'm kind of getting used to doing this work at home in my jammies and staying home with the cats.
Well - off to read my friend Shanna's new book - Once Upon Stilettos. I got it over the weekend while shopping and lunching with the girls, so I'm looking forward to getting lost in some fun fiction. I hope she was able to take a tax deduction for those pair of red Stuart Weitzman heels I helped her buy a couple of years ago to celebrate the sale on the book that preceded this one - Enchanted Inc. Those were a fabulous pair of shiny red heels - would have bought a pair myself, but that would have been too weird. I've never owned an identical pair of shoes of a friend, except for white Keds and the occasional generic thongs from Target. Would be like walking into a party wearing the same gown as some other girl - and that would have been unintentional. To do something intentional would be just plain weird. Besides, I have many other dress shoes (over 90 pairs, with athletic shoes and Keds bringing my total to low three-digits) which please me just as well. I can't wait to wear my new Christian Louboutin heels later this year...saved over $600 on that pair, and they are so spectacular, it will have to be a spectacular event to qualify for wearing them.
In the meantime...it's sandal time for all of our springtime weather in Portland....and how wonderful that is :) Bless the Rose City....and bless another season of baseball! Go Yankees!!! |
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| Bush of the Poisonous Kind |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
Wow - just when you think it couldn't get worse for the Bush Administration.....it does.
First, Tom DeLay is a fucking coward! Not going to mince words on that one. Oh boo-hoo....I'm not going to be able to win my re-election, so I'm going to resign and help other Republicans like me win this year. Give me an f'ing break. He doesn't have the balls to stay in the race - had to cut and run like the coward he is. And how many Republicans do you think will be willing to stand on the same stage as that crooked bastard? He's like the cockroaches he used to kill...run and hide...what a wussy.
Now, the latest news from the Bush Administration....the deputy press secretary for the US Department of Homeland Security was arrested this evening for using the Internet to send pornographic images to seduce what he thought was a 14 year-old girl. If it wasn't such a heinous crime, I would be cackling like one of the crazy witches in MacBeth. Even worse - during the online conversations, this scumbag had the nerve to reveal his real name, his job, and his office and government issued cell number.
I can't wait to see how tomorrow's daily press meeting handles this one! Also can't wait to see if the main media scumbag O'Reilly will comment on this....he's usually all vigilant about crimes against children - let's see if he'll touch this one.
I hope the Democrats continue to capitalize on these multiple faux pas from the Bushies. Can't wait to see what happens next! |
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| Where does the time go |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|11:12 pm] |
I haven't posted in 3 weeks, and I have no real excuse. I haven't been busy at all - in fact I've been goofing off big time. Decided that the city council race was a) not worth my time for what they were paying me and b) not worth my time as a person with a brain. It still amazes me that with all the technology we have here in the 21st century, there are organizations (particularly political) are still operating on archaic software in very inefficient ways. Why use a database that a) requires the user to make duplicate copies of the entire db to reformat the information into a usable sheet, b) does not export well into any type of printable format, and c) have very little ability to sort the data to meet the needs of multiple users.
This db program they were running was as useless as SuperCalc or Lotus 1-2-3 to an accountant - so damn old that it doesn't meet the needs of many folks. This campaign had at least 3 copies of the db floating around, with each copy getting updated by different people. The main problem is that this software has no way to merge with other dbs in the same program. What the f is this all about? How could a campaign work this way??? When I talked with other tech folks about this program, it was like telling a good sex joke at the Playboy mansion - non-stop hysterical laughter. The unanimous feedback I got from my tech buddies was "what morons are still using that crap??" As someone who knows that your project is only as good as your data, I knew within a few days on this job that the data was corrupt, incorrect, and mostly crap. I took time to try and fix it - but that just pissed off the campaign manager, because of course, she knows everything (at least she thinks she does...NOT!) For the meager funds this political gig was paying me, I certainly didn't need that headache. Also, the campaign manager had the nerve to bring in her sick 11 y/o into the office one morning (like the kid couldn't stay home with the flu by herself) and sat her and her portable DVD player right next to mine....like a) I could get any work done with a DVD movie playing right next to me and b) how f'ing rude to stick a contagious kid next to me! I cannot tolerate ignorant or inconsiderate people, and with the close working relationships you need on a political campaign....well, needless to say that I've been goofing off since leaving the campaign on 3/13.
What have I been doing?? Well, at the request of my uncle, I took a day trip to the most depressing place in the state of Oregon....Spirit Mountain. OMG - how sad and awful that place was. Seeing all these old people hobbling around with their walkers and portable oxygen tanks made me really want to hunt down a stiff martini (screw the vermouth and olives) and pray to the infinite powers that be that I would never end up like that. My uncle, another aunt (married to a different uncle) and my cousin were on this trip with me, and they love the place. I will never get those 8 hours of my life back, and I'll never go there again, unless it's a labor of love towards the family. In a nutshell....I would have rather been on the worst blind date of my life than be there (and I've had some major doozies of bad blind dates.)
Aside from that disasterous trip, everything else has been rather good. I've done quite a bit of shopping - finally got myself a Chanel pink wallet and my first pair of Christian Louboutin red soled shoes (OMG, they are gorgeous!!) and spoiled one of my old friends for his birthday last week. I guess I can be truthful here and explain he's an ex-beau - and since he's got a g/f in San Fran, he'll still stay the ex-beau, but a girl can always dream. In a way, he's my version of Mr. Big - a man who came into my life unexpectedly, romantically wandered in and out of my life throughout the mid-nineties, and who I had pretty much gave up on - then moved to Texas in 2000. So, I return to PDX to find out my Mr. Big's divorced but again taken with this girlfriend.
Mr. Big was part of my life when I needed a stong friend - my divorce from the abusive side of my family (mother and step-monster) and through all the times I went through therapy to recover from all that abuse and then after the death of my fiance in '98 (we were definitely not romantic from 96-98 - the Doug years.) My Mr. Big was always good to me - and I still feel like I owe him something for all the times he was there for me. So, I decided that being the first year I'm back, I was going to finally spoil him like he spoiled me. A nice (but not gaudy) man's watch from Tiffany's (he was stunned by that one) and since he's a hardcore poltical lefty, I found an awesome book at Powell's co-written by Joan Baez and her ex-husband who spent a couple years in jail for dodging the draft. The book was signed by Joan herself - and he really liked that too. I have this drive to select the most unique gifts when I buy for people....and I lived up to my reputation on this one. Mr. Big was rather affectionate throughout the birthday dinner and even a bit more enamorous afterwards, but I'm not going to fall back into that trap once again. Even though I see myself as a very independent woman (idol is Katherine Hepburn - I don't see myself with kids or married), I still can't see myself with a taken man. It would screw with my relationship karma, and I'm still working through bad karma from previous indiscretions in my younger days....I don't need any more bad karma.
So, while my Mr. Big is now on a vacation out of the country with his girlfriend (yes, I have to admit a bit of jealousy - not sure why), I finally did something this week I've been meaning to do since I moved - join a gym. Just today, I started a 30-day trial membership at one of the chain gyms in town - and of course got pinned down with high-pressure sales. So, I'm taking their proposal to the other big chain gym in downtown to see what they will offer me. There are a couple of smaller ones in the NW part of town, but if they will give me a damn good deal, I'll take it, even if I do have to hop the Portland Streetcar to work out. I rode 21 miles on the recumbant bike today - and have only some minor aches tonight, which is rather surprising since it's been forever and a day since I've had my ass in a gym. So, tomorrow is going to be walking on a treadmill and doing some free weights - and maybe some more bike work. I've been talking about training for the PDX marathon in October, so it's about time that I quit the talking and take action. Besides, I have to get my calves and ankles back into shape for all of the 4+" heels I've recently bought. :)
Okay - time for rest and relaxation. Tomorrow's another day at the gym, and who knows what else...might as well take advantage of all this free time before I get a real job some day and have my free time dramatically diminish. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|11:34 pm] |
Another filing deadline has come and gone here in Oregon, and it's shaping up to be an interesting election cycle. Nationally, the Republicans are starting to get a bit scared - not an emotion they've felt in over 12 years. However, the Democrats need to get their shit together if they're going to win either the House or Senate back.
I had great faith supporting Dean during his run up to the 2004 primaries (I was in Iowa and witnessed the "scream" speech live), and was very excited about his DNC chairmanship a year ago. But (and this is a big but) the DNC membership hasn't rallied behind him (or aside him) to really generate a strong platform for Democrats, Independents, non-affiliated voters, and disenchanted Republicans to climb on board.
Here in Oregon (and what a damn fine state it is!) us Democrats will definitely have our work cut out for us. Gov Ted is not an exciting fellow (I thought he was rather vanilla when I volunteered on his 1982 campaign) and from what I can see, he doesn't have a very long list of accomplishments since being elected in 2002. This doesn't bode well for a re-elect. However, if the Republicans continue to take pot-shots at each other, I don't think the survivor from the May primary will have enough strength and vision to snag the seat in November. Mannix (what a smarmy guy) doesn't deserve a second chance at the nomination, Atkinson can't win in the metro area, and Saxton has swung so far right that even the moderate side of his party will have a hard time justifying a vote.
Senate Majority Leader Kate Brown (who just happens to be my state senator) will have to rally the troops to keep her majority. Not a cake-walk, but the odds are in her favor for the D's to retain power in the Senate.
As for the House, well, I think for the first time in awhile, the D's might have a chance at either taking control, tying it up, or at least kicking out the R leader, Karen Minnis the menace. Although she represents a district with a Democratic edge, it's very conservative east county Democrat, which continues to open the door for Republicans like Minnis, her husband (a real nightmare when he was in the house), and John Lim to win out there in east county. Everyone talks about the urban/rural divide between the metro area and the rest of Oregon - there's still a distinct divide between Portland and Gresham which enables conservative thought to breed and expand out in east county. Having grown up in Gresham (and I still get razzed about it to this day by many of my liberal Portland buddies), I never thought of it as being some type of sleepy country town. Granted in the town's earlier days, it was the best place to pick berries, vegetables, and other types of produce with the big farms, but since urbanization and population growth has wiped out most of the farms, it has definitely grown up.
Maybe Gresham is where all the conservatives move to when they get fed up with us Portland libs, since Lake Oswego is just about maxed out population-wise. Amen to living in a blue city within a blue state that should stay that way for the immediate (if not long-term) future. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|09:03 pm] |
I wonder if the Republicans are scratching their heads over the latest poll which show GWB at an all-time low of a 34% approval rating. As someone who has been in the government back rooms, all pols care about polls, regardless of what they say in public. Whether it's Plamegate, the botched war in Iraq, Cheney's gun, the lies surrounding Hurricane Katrina response, or turning the ports over to a foreign company for management - nothing that Bush's administration is doing seems to smell good.
My fear is that the Democrats will not have a plan to success in the midst of the R's failures. What they don't seem to understand (at least the party leaders in the US Senate and House) is that just bitching about the R's and not offering any solutions will not get more Dem's elected in November.
I'm a faithful Democrat and haven't voted for a Republican in my life, but Senator Harry Reid doesn't have much of a fire in the belly, and if Rep. Nancy Pelosi would lay off the botox and plastic surgery, she could show some real emotion during her rebuttals as the House minority leader. Both are lackluster - very vanilla - so hopefully after the election cycle we can get some real leaders in both positions. I still "heart" Russ Feingold - yes, he is a die-hard liberal and continues to vote against the silly US Patriot Act, but I think he could actually act more bi-partisan than others.
I'm glad to be working in the world of politics again, and despite what some may think, it's not a thankless or worthless world whatsoever. My goals are not to help certain people win elections, but to help convince the masses that 1) goverment does care about them and 2) they pay a vital role and should be involved. I know - lofty and somewhat crazy goals, but someone's got to shoot for the moon. |
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| All of life's choices |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|11:54 am] |
After some interesting negotiations this morning, I've decided to go work for the city council campaign. The agency gig would have been nice for the money, but my life would have been consumed with constant travel and hours with clients to the point that my happiness would have taken a back seat. At least with the campaign, I'll have the time to get more involved at the county and state level of the Democratic party and feel like I'm actually making a difference with a candidate that really works for the citizens of Portland. I start tonight with a phone bank, then it's off and running tomorrow morning with all of the real exciting stuff.
The State Dem meeting in Astoria over the weekend was great - some old faces that I got to catch up with after 6 years of being gone and new ones that I got to meet for the first time. I'm so looking forward to getting back on the Democratic saddle again.
Another benefit of this weekend's meeting was seeing the Pacific ocean for the first time in 6 years. As a water sign myself (Scorpio), I've always been drawn to water. The sounds of the ocean and the feeling of sand under my feet and between my toes was the most exhilirating experience I've felt in a long time. I had truly forgotten the benefits of the ocean - the clean ocean smell, the sounds of seagulls overhead, the sweet taste of salt water taffy that you can't get that fresh anywhere else.
It's so good to be home - I can't imagine living anywhere else! |
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| Time Flies |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
When you're having fun! It's been a rather busy week - still getting my place put together (the office/study is coming along nicely) and also been busy with interviews. I had wanted to take this year as a sabbatical, but the PR agency I worked at years ago in PDX came calling. After a phone interview on Tuesday, the agency flew me up to the Emerald City today for a second interview, and while the money would be fabulous, I don't feel my heart is in it. Tech PR is something I can do with my eyes closed, but it does nothing to make the world a better place in which to live.
As a believer in "signs", after a tiring day to and from Seattle, one of my voicemails waiting for me was a job offer to work on a city council race that will likely go all the way to November. While it doesn't pay that much, it will be something I can sink my heart into - a great candidate with an established record that aligns fairly well with my political beliefs. Here's where my Jewish guilt comes in - before I accept, I want to make sure the agency isn't going to make me an offer that I would be a fool to refuse. Don't know if I can get them to make a decision in rapid fashion, but the campaign wants me to start ASAP. I've never been one to play hardball with employment opportunities before, but there's a first time for everything. I'll have to make the agency call first thing Monday to let them know that I have another offer on the table and that I need to know within the week what they think. Meanwhile, I'll need to let the campaign know my situation - I know the campaign management well - hopefully they will be willing to wait a few days.
My gut is telling me to go with the campaign - it would be local (the agency job would require me to fly up to Seattle 1-2 times a week - what a schlep!) and would definitely get me back into the PDX political world again. However, my gut's been wrong before (so much for female Jewish intuition), so I don't want to make any rash decisions.
Well, off to bed - the quarterly state Democrat meeting is going on this weekend in Astoria, and I've got to take off around 6:30am tomorrow for a 9am workshop. I'll try to spend some time at the beach - the sound of the ocean has always done wonders for my soul. Maybe it's because I'm a water sign...who knows. |
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| Great Loves |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|10:11 pm] |
If we only get one great love in our lives, and that love comes and leaves early on, does that mean we're then doomed to a life of loneliness? I found the great love of my life at 24 - and I sure as hell wasn't ready for it. Reunited with him at age 28, and lost him forever just before I turned 30.
Have we become so cynical that we believe that once we find love, then lose it, we'll never have it again, and then think we don't need love to live? I admire those who had loved, lost it, and then become determined to find it again. I never think that I could find it again, resolving to settle with the idea that it's better to have loved and lost than to never had loved at all. However, I believe I'm becoming an optimist as the years go by - that we get second chances at great love.
As the Hallmark love holiday looms in the near future, it seems so silly to have a day set aside to declare your love to another. Every day is so special, and if we do have that one love in our lives, we should take time out of each day to declare it. And if we don't have that one love in our lives for the time being, we need to declare that love to ourselves, to the world around us, and appreciate each day for what it is, what it has, and all that it has to offer. |
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| Insomniac at work |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|01:29 am] |
Been awhile since I've caught the insomnia bug, but then again, I've had sleeping problems for most of my life. At least my kitchen is sparkling, the floors are clean, and the dust bunnies have been captured and thrown out with the trash.
Weird item in the news recently - a serial killer I interviewed in college long ago for a crim law class has been linked to other murders in the 1979-80 time period. The only reason he let me interview him was that I fit the demographics of his victims (young - 19 - and acted naive to get him to consent to the interview.) Ann Rule wrote a book back in the 80's that linked him to these murders, but now DNA evidence nails him for two murders in the PDX area.
Looking back, I have to say that this man was truly evil. Looking him square in the eye and asking him questions about himself (he refused to answer any questions about the crimes for which he was convicted), I could feel a menacing vibe ooze from him, even through the plexiglass that separated us down at the state pen. My paper was about the psychosis of the serial killer, and I compared this man's personal views of himself and his "alleged" victims to other serial killers who later talked about their crimes, why they did what they did (if they confessed to the crimes), and to use those details to analyze what makes a serial killer. I have no idea what I did with that paper (which turned out to be a 65-page monster for a class that I took as an undergrad), but it would be interesting to see how it compares to other serial killers who have emerged since I wrote it in 1988.
It's hard for us "normal" folks to comprehend or understand the mind of a serial killer, or of anyone who does terrible deeds, since our minds are not wired that way. My earlier conclusion in my paper was that serial killers, and those who commit violent crimes, are the products of their environments - they were not born to kill, but that their surroundings caused their brains to flip a switch somewhere and then the deviant behavior began.
However, I don't necessarily believe that to be true now. The human mind, with its unique genetic disposition, may indeed hold some DNA strands that make certain people more prone to violent behavior. It's like intelligence and knowledge - everyone has different levels of comprehension and talent, and I believe it comes down to our genetics which determine how much and fast we learn, what we comprehend, and where we focus our talents. I've tried damn hard to get my left and right side of my brain to balance out more, but I'm still drawn to numbers, analysis, and concrete theory, while I struggle on the creative side to learn new languages, stay musically inclined, and comprehend abstract theory. There are some folks out there that have vast talent in the creative arts, but couldn't balance their checkbooks or do their own taxes - numbers befuddle them. I'm not one of those creative types.
So, if this is true for the knowledge and comprehension areas of our brains, I think it also holds true to the emotional and personality side of our brains. If we had the resources to genetically and medically study violent criminals, we might be able to discover genetic and/or medical links to such behavior. But then, if that holds true, what do we do with that knowledge? Would health insurance companies test every infant born to see if they possess these violent genetic markers, and if they do, just lock them up and throw away the key? Do we study these current and next generation of offenders to isolate the behaviors linking to the genetic flaws and then come up with ways to treat it, rather than just jail time or the death penalty? Some very loaded questions that will likely not be answered during my lifetime, but it does make me wonder.
Okay, all this thinking has got to stop. Gotta fix some decaf red tea and doctor it up with some brandy - that should knock me out for a few hours or so. I think I've got to get a job soon....with all this free time, my mind just wanders into some rather creepy areas. |
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| Settling In |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|06:13 pm] |
Finally getting all my books unpacked - found my Arthur Miller collection just in time for the first anniversary of his passing. The Crucible has always been a personal favorite - makes me think how the Bush wiretappings could generate a 21st century witch hunt that defies the fourth amendment put into place by our nation's founders. Death of a Salesman is also timeless as well. How many millions continue to shoot for the undefinable American Dream and continue to fail due to simple fallbacks? Whether it be no medical insurance, college education that's too costly, or lack of living wages to keep up with the cost of living, the American Dream becomes more unreachable in a nation that is supposedly the greatest in the world.
Thank you Mr. Miller for your genius insight, talent, and wisdom in creating works of art that will stand through the ages. Maybe the current residents of the White House will read your works (gotta get Shrub off the Curious George books) and gain a smidgen of a conscience. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|12:57 pm] |
Wow, with the sun shining and all, I think Dallas weather has followed me here to the PNW - I'm sure the natives here are happy with the rain reprieve...and I was just starting to get used to the rain. Time for the sunglasses again.
After shopping around for the most favorable Starbucks to plant my mobile office at, I think I've found a winner - at the World Trade Center. Eerie name for sure, since I did a lot of trauma work for a WTC client after the 9/11 attacks, but it's got a great view for people watching, it's right next door to a branch of my credit union, and it's not as busy as most 'Bucks nearer the bus mall. While I love the 'Bucks near my home in Westmoreland, I need to get back in a routine of leaving the house and being part of civilization. Besides, I always loved downtown - very interesting people to watch.
Interesting initial move in the Congressional hearings this morning regarding the domestic wiretappings. What the hell makes the attorney general so damn special that he doesn't have to get sworn in so that all of his testimony is officially under oath? And why the hell aren't the Democrats making a bigger stink of it? If this would have happened back during the Clinton administration to Janet Reno, I'll bet that the Republicans would have raised holy hell if she would have declined to be sworn in before testifying in a Congressional hearing.
I'm beginning to think the officials of my party, with the exception of Russ Feingold (I "heart" him!), have lost their backbone. GROW A SPINE there folks! |
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| The Death of Feminism? |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|11:32 am] |
With the passing of the mother of feminism (RIP Betty Friedan), I wonder if today's women are ever going to wake up and realize how they still are not earning the same ranks as men in the workforce. I personally have fallen victim to it - had a man with the same title and rank as me at a large PR agency earn more money because he was the main breadwinner for his family - and the most recent figures have women earning 75-80 cents for every dollar a man makes at the same level.
It was also disturbing to see so many young women protesting AGAINST Roe v. Wade during the recent anniversary of that supreme court decision. When did women, particularly the younger ones, determine that they should let the government have control of their own bodies, rather than retaining that right.
Being a feminist does not mean that you have to burn your bra (although I'd like to take a torch to some of these uncomfortable ones), hate men (something I could never do), and become a passive partner in a relationship. The term "feminist" has been treated with disdain, much like the word "liberal", because believers of both methodologies have allowed the opposition to define those terms. Since when was it wrong to be a "liberal" or a "feminist" (or in my case, a liberal feminist, although that might be regarded as an oxymoron by some)?
I hope that there will be a next-generation Betty Friedan or Gloria Steinem to carry the torch for all women - particularly those who are still treated as second class citizens in the salary department. Single, married, straight, gay, childless or mother - all women should fight for the right to have exceptional healthcare, healthy salaries that compete equally with men, and access to every right and opportunity that men have. Actually, both genders should have equal rights altogether. I was one of the few women who protested participating in the Dallas "Race for the Cure" because men were not allowed to do one of the races, even if they had had breast cancer themselves, or had a spouse or close relative die of that disease. Another reason why I really didn't fit in Dallas - I thought the group of women were going to lynch me on the nearest streetcorner for that statement. |
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| Working for a living |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|04:45 pm] |
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Pretty soon, I'll have to start looking for a job - not really looking forward to it. For some reason, I'm a great PR person when I'm repping other people, companies, or issues, but when it comes to shameless self promotion, I have a devil of a time doing it. Just about finished with this freelance project for one of my TX buddies, so I'll have to start putting feelers out to headhunters, recruiters, etc. At least I have the luxury to take my time and search for a job that better represents my passion - I'm not at critical mass for finances, so maybe I can find something that I will love to do. 'Tis the political season, so maybe I'll be able to land a spot on a campaign and work poor for the year. Politics never paid much $$, but it was sure a hell of a lot of fun to do. In the meantime, maybe I can get out of this writer's block and pick up on the play I started working on about 2 years ago. I've been writing so much for business - I go blank when I start on my own projects. Will have to did all that stuff out once I get the home library pulled together this weekend. |
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| State of Disunion |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|03:25 pm] |
Wow, what an uninspiring speech from Shrub last night. I'm sure Crawford is really missing its idiot now. Made it through the drinking game with my buddy Ron (who is the only person I know of who can drink me under the table), and even with all that beer, it still was a lame SOTU. There was some heckling at times (less than in previous years), along with the glances of sheer puzzlement we shot at each other with the mention of "switchgrass" as an energy method to run cars. Switchgrass? Is this the magic bullet everyone's been looking for to take the place of ethanol to end our dependency on foreign oil? Sounds like something Shrub grows down on the ranch....go figure. I still think that with American's affinity for fried foods (I'll take the fifth on that one), the idea of biodiesel and eventually running vehicles on vegetable oil is a winner.
Overall, crappy speech given by a shitty president who will never get it right. Like we could, or would, expect more from the Crawford idiot. Damn if we Democrats don't get a decent, winnable candidate for '08. |
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| Goodbye Wendy |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|11:16 am] |
Sad day in the NYC theater world. Wendy Wasserstein was one of the few female playwrights who captured the essence of being a single girl in a world so consumed with relationships. The Heidi Chronicles spoke to the female singleton long before Sex and the City and provided a basis of how I've come to view being single in a married world.
While I'm not anti-relationship or a girl who fears commitment, I rebel against the notion that a woman's success depends on who she ends up with. In college, I was the lone one out of my girlfriends who didn't want to get married until I was at least 35. When I met Doug at 23, that did change my mind and we were on and off again for a few years, until I finally accepted his proposal when I was 29. When he died 6 months later and after the grief subsided, I modified my earlier stance, saying that I didn't want to be married until I turned 40, and then over the past couple of years, I've changed that idea with becoming a parent instead of being married after 40.
It's not that I don't think there is a chance that I'll be in a relationship with a wonderful man again, but that once I get to 40 and solidify my career and income flow, I definitely want to concentrate on being a mom. I've never been the girl set on being a biological mom - there are so many children already born who crave a mom that I would rather adopt than go through the whole artificial semination route. Having my own bio-mom that should have never been a mom in the first place (she's definitely missing the maternal gene), I've come to realize that to be a mom means more than just genetics - it means being there for your child, nurturing him/her throughout life while offering the independence to explore life and all that it offers.
Wendy really had it all - a highly successful playwright for many years, then becoming a mom at the age of 48. Much of her work ran heavy with Jewish undertones - the strength of the Jewish woman laced with the self-deprecating humor so associated with Jewish life - definitely something that I can identify with, particularly in my mid- to late-30's. I remember a phrase from one of her works that to me says it all - "there's nothing wrong with being alone."
Goodbye Wendy - you will be missed by your fans who will continue to use your works to educate the next generation of girls about all the options that women do have in this world that still seems hung up on relationships. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|10:16 am] |
Well, Martini girl here has found her haven - the Vault down on NW 12th and Davis had not only the most extensive martini menu I've ever seen, but the ginger vodka martinis were out of this world. How the NW part of town has changed - I couldn't believe my eyes - the Whole Foods is fabulous!!!
From inside the Hillary event - the protesters didn't do themselves any favors at the event with fellow lefties, but they did score points with the media - most of the news features over the weekend only talked about the hecklers themselves - Hill's messages were completely lost. Rather disappointing, given that it was one of her better speeches, and she really energized the crowd. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for a good protest, but I'm more of a selective protester. I try to pick my battles where they can do the most good - i.e. have the better chance of changing minds with maximum media exposure. While Hill's protesters definitely got the media exposure, not many minds in that room were swayed. One of my old buddies from the Clinton/Gore 92 campaign and I commiserated about how only in Oregon would you get the left to protest at a Dem event - the right have just about given up.
Speaking of the crowd, saw many folks that I hadn't seen in over 6 years. Most common reaction of their first sight of me (with jaws dropping and eyes popping) was "where the hell have you been?" The typical reply once I told them that I just returned from spending the last 6 years in Texas was "you poor thing - welcome back!" It was so good being back at a "real" Democratic event - the Dems in TX are so lame, and they wonder why they keep losing elections...
Since the Friday night fundraiser, my life has been consumed with moving boxes - unpacking, organizing, etc. How the heck did I get this much stuff in the first place??? I have just about everything but my home office/library put together - that will come later this week once I get done with this freelance project for one of my buddies down in Dallas.
Thoughts and prayers with Bob Woodruff and his cameraman - covering a war zone is always life-threatening, but without the reporters on the ground, we would have no idea how shitty of a war this really is. The FOX right wingers and the wannabes can blow air all they want - until they land their asses outside of the green zone and see this snafu for what it is, they should shut the hell up. Bless the reporters who are there - they are doing a damn fine job. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|05:15 pm] |
Today's rain is so wonderful - I'm so glad to be out in it. Despite all the rain, I'm rather surprised on how friendly everyone seems to be. Down in TX, I think the heat fries everyone's friendly chip - no one makes eye contact or smiles at one another, unless they're at a pick-up joint.
Well, off to meet Judie for drinks at some place called the Vault in NW. There is a martini bar there - right up my alley. When she and I went to Chicago back in '96 for the DNC convention (we were elected delegates), we took the Amtrak "Empire Builder" with a sleeper unit. Realizing what fun we could have on the 2-day train ride, I coined our trip "Martinis Across America - the Road to Chicago" and took along a full-stocked martini bar with me. From that point on, I was known as "Martini girl" - better than bitch I guess :)
Cheers! |
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| Just singing in the rain |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|04:11 pm] |
Ahhh....how wonderful this rain is. Swear I almost started singing in it while walking to 'Bucks to log in. Finally got the electrician over to fix my master bedroom system - been going without bedroom lights or electricity since I moved in last week. Now, just waiting for the furniture to get here on Friday and then I'll spend the weekend getting all moved in. I can't wait to start cooking and baking again, not to mention getting my life organized before starting the hunt for work.
Finally saw Syriana last night - not as complex as everyone talked about, but a very good movie overall. Despite being a Jew, I've never had much interest in Middle Eastern politics, outside of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict (I know - my bad.) However, after seeing this movie and living in a world where America has its fingers (and hands and elbows) deep in Iraqi/Iranian affairs, I think I'll look into a class or two at PSU for Spring term to see what's available in ME study. Either that, or pick up a slew of books at Powells that will enlighten me on the subject matter. While it shouldn't come to much surprise to me or other lefties, I still can't believe that with all of the neocons attached to Bush that are reputed to be "experts" in ME affairs, the Crawford idiot's adminstration can't seem to get a slight grip on things over there.
Speaking of the idiot from Crawford, just remembered today that the State of the Union address is next Tuesday night. Despite how my blood pressure rises hearing Bush speak and watching him with that smartass smirk, I still faithfully watch the SOTU year after year, making sure I have something soft to pitch at the TV whenever the idiot says something either really stupid or really infuriating. Last year's actually provided some entertainment - I had a great giggle-snort when Bush mentioned that the first lady would be heading up an initiative aimed at improving conditions for at-risk teens. Could you imagine her highness walking into the Hood to try and inspire young African-American teens to turn their lives around? "Tales of Laura in the 'Hood" - how genius is that?? Two years ago, I hosted a watching party where we played the SOTU drinking game - I think it's time for a repeat. Rules on this year's address will be posted soon at http://www.drinkinggame.us/. Looks like a trip to the liquor store will be in order this weekend :) |
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| Political Debut |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|04:27 pm] |
Well, only took less than a week back home for me to get my first invitation for a political fundraiser. Hillary will be in town for an event on Friday evening - with the moving van arriving early in the day with all of my stuff. Good thing I packed a suit and all of my pretty things so that I can attend the fundraiser. I'm feeling rather nervous - like a debutante coming-out party, this will be the first time in over 6 years that I'll be seeing many of my old Democratic friends in the Oregon party. Looking forward to catching up with as many as possible, and networking my backside off for an eventual job. Since the political season is now upon us, I'll hopefully land a campaign gig while I figure out what the heck I want to do for a "real" living.
Also, what's with these past 2 days of sunshine?? I left Texas for rain and cloudy skies, not for this blinding sunshine. I'm sure the natives who have endured the past month of rain are elated with this reprieve, but I'm rather tired of seeing the sun. Everyone says that after a couple of cloudy months, I'll be begging for sun rays, but after the last 6 years of nothing but sun and heat, I really need a 6-month reprieve from direct sunlight. Maybe I should have ventured to Alaska instead of Portland.... |
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